Jackass Stunts, High School Hazing And Herd Mentality. How Can
By Sue Blaney, Fri Dec 9th

Jackass stunts, high school hazing and herd mentality. How canparents of teenagers protect kids from doing stupid things?

The video clips are disturbing indeed. The melee that occurredin north Chicago was competing for air time with the Sarasota,Florida boys who jumped off a 5 story building into a swimmingpool. “Why would they do that?” parents ask. And their nextquestion, stated out loud or not, is “Would my teenager dostupid things like this?”

There are no guarantees. Group mentality has affected people forcenturies. The adolescent sense of invincibility wasn’t inventedwith this generation. Thrill seeking is embedded in our culture.What are parents to do?

I have a friend whose son was arrested for arson. Another whosedaughter was arrested for shoplifting, and yet another whosedaughter ran off to live with her boyfriend in a crack house.Are these bad parents? Knowing them, I can say they are not. Dogood parents have kids that do stupid or dangerous things? Noquestion about it. What are parents to do?

I say it’s time for parents to practice some “herd” mentalityand get together to make a difference. It’s too easy for parentsto be isolated. It’s too easy for our teenagers, who may thinkthey are invincible, to humble parents into “non-action.”

Non-action is unacceptable.

Parents will not always be able to keep our kids safe. Parentswill not always be listened to, or obeyed. But parents who don’tmake an active attempt to keep the communication open, toexpress and teach their values, to apply some rules andboundaries, are guilty of abandonment. A majority of teenagersin America live in households where the parents exercise minimal– if any - authority. Exercising authority isn’t always easy.But imagine if the parents got together and talked. Imagine thepower parents could have if they created a forum to enhancetheir connectedness and their communication. That’s how safetynets are formed. Imagine how it could increase the chances ofkeeping our kids safe.

When do kids become responsible? When do they no longer need tobe protected from themselves? My daughter is quick to point outthat not all kids do stupid things like jump into pools fromfive stories up. Thank heavens for that. But even “good kids” dostupid things occasionally. What can parents do to keep themsafe?

The answers will only come from parents who take the time tosort through the challenges themselves. Those who grapple withthe issues, the questions. Those who are willing to live in themessiness, the ambiguities, the challenges and opportunitiesthat come with raising teenagers. It’s a big effort. Are yourkids worth it?

Parents should do this together. We should dig in, discuss,argue even how to raise our teenagers. The answers will comewhen we spend the time to examine the questions. Our positionsbecome clear and easier to articulate and defend when we’vediscussed them together. We don’t have to agree on how we handlethings, but our teenagers benefit when we’ve invested time andenergy into a thoughtful examination of how we’re raising them.No parental isolation allowed. Herd mentality… talking and doingthings together. We can take a page out of the teenagers’ book.

You’ve got to dig in and engage. What are your rules, and why?What limits are negotiable? Which ones aren’t? What does yourkid think of them? Have you helped him/her figure out how he canlive within the rules? What are his escape hatches? Does he buyinto your belief system? Is she likely to engage in some ofthese stupid maneuvers?

There are no guarantees. Our kids are likely to surprise us –and not always for the better. Chances are they will make somemistakes along the way. But the best chance they’ll have is

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whentheir parents dig in, engage with them, establish a support andcommunications network in the community, and let them know weare there for them. Short of that, you’re leaving a lot up tochance.

Sue Blaney

Sue Blaney is the author of Please Stop the Rollercoaster! HowParents of Teenagers Can Smooth Out the Ride, a guide forparents and self-facilitated discussion groups. She is reachableat www.PleaseStoptheRollercoaster.com. Copyright Sue Blaney, 2003

About the author:Sue Blaney is the parent of two teenagers and a communicationsprofessional experienced in training and improving teamperformance. Her book titled Please Stop the Rollercoaster! HowParents of Teenagers can Smooth Out the Ride is a guide forparents and for self-facilitated parenting discussion groups. Inthis book she summarizes the most pertinent points from expertsin the field of adolescent development, while sharing input andperspective from parents who have been there.